i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
