So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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