Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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