3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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