So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
