Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
