I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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