dude i'm inner monologue high
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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