I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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