I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
