And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
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