i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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