im drinking this country out of the recession.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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