god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
