i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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