I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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