dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
you would pick up someone in the library
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
