Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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