Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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