Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
