This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
