I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
