Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You can't motorboat a personality
im six kinds of drunk right now
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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