wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
