but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
