One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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