For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
