Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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