Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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