can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
