At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
