I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Congratulations! We have a period
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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