walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize