If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
