i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Randomize
