Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
