and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
