My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
