Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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