Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
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If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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