I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
