I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
