im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
