I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
