Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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