So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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