she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
