I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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