I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
