I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
