It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
