Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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