What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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