Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
