Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!