I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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