Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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