my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am spending my child support on dildos
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Randomize
