I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
