On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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