I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
