The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
