Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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