hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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