I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
