okay pat passed out under dana's car
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i have two assholes
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
