When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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