OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
