Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
