I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
