I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
