Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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