Where did you get a picture of my penis
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
